DISCLAIMER ? these posts are in process in my mind ? but I am going to post them to see if anyone has some feedback.

Just been reading Henri Nouwen?s book ?wounded healer.? In his introduction he writes this,
?Crucial here for nuclear man is the lack of a sense of continuity, which is so vital for a creative life. He finds Himself part of a nonhistory in which only the sharp moment of the here and now is valuable. For nuclear man life easily becomes a bow whose string is broken and from which no arrow can fly. In his dislocated state he becomes paralyzed. His reactions are not anxiety and joy, which were so much a part of existential man, but apathy and boredom. Only when a man feels himself responsible for the future can he have hope or despair, but when he thinks of himself as a passive victim of a complex technological bureaucracy, his motivation falters and he starts drifting from one moment to the next, making life a long row of randomly chained of incidents and accidents.?
Henri Nouwen.

I feel like that more than I care to admit. In fact I think it is the part of not feeling connected to the history and the past and being responsible that really speaks to me. Too often I am embarrassed of the past when it comes to Chrisitanity and confused about the future. I also really struggle with the idea of being responsible for the future. I suppose the term responsible has a varity of levels ? responsible for myself yes. So how I enter and am involved in the future and how my life agrees with or disagrees with God?s eternal purpose on the earth; I suppose I am responsible for that aren?t I.

I have also been thinking that there must be a difference between God?s healing of our heart and the healing of our bodies ? duh. Let me explain. Often I hear stories where God stopped us long enough to see this animal or He new I liked Pink and so the room that I rented is pink and therefore God loves me. Here is my struggle ? I think God cares about the most minute details of our lives. He does good ? everything good comes from Him. No problems there ? so, the implication that arises is twofold. First off, if God somehow doesn?t allow your room to be pink ? perhaps He doesn?t love you, at least not as much as the person who had sun on their wedding day. So we can come back to that ? the second issue that arises is what about things that are really painful ? what about people who are sick ? or dying, or wives, whose husbands beat them or leave them, or women who cheat on their husbands?..why doesn? God do something about that ? but he?ll ensure that there is a deer to meet someone when they wake up? Kind of pours salt on the wound doesn?t it? So?.still have no full answer to that ? I have heard a bunch though. At any rate ? I was wondering today if there is something different going on that kind of responds to the second question anyway. I think God is comforting and healing our broken hearts ? and is more interested in that then our physical bodies. So the healing of a heart is much more profound than the healing of a body which will eventually die anyway. Lazarus died, Jiarus daughter died. But perhaps the hearts of Jiarus and Mary were healed and bound up because God comforted them.

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