I've been really stressed out today - tightness in my chest, shortness of breath. I think it is because I just took a fairly large building job and I am still wrestling with whether or not building is really what I am supposed to track with as my vocation. I have so many interests and my main skill set lies in dealing with people, which is why, I think, I have had some success in a variety of fields. The problem with building is that I don't seem to have enough interaction with people. I mean there are clients and subs and employees but it is not exactly the industry for talking! I suppose eventually the business might get to the place where I am mostly engaging people as I run the business and strategize etc...at this point though it's mostly me on site with a hammer - which I am not real keen on.

At any rate - that wasn't really what I was intending to post on. Mostly I have realised that I get really stressed out when I try and decide a long term solution to things. So - am I doing building forever, should I be in ministry as a profession, what about media? I find peace when I look at the moment, find the Lord in the moment and rest in the moment.
Reminds me of that book - by Brother Lawrence.


Interesting isn't it - that the culture of 'wisdom' is always telling us to look forward, plan ahead, hedge your bets, have copious insurance, don't do anything rash. And yet the Lord says let the days own trouble be enough for the day - to seek Him in the now. Also interesting that the cultures favourite movies often involve throwing that kind of planning to the wind -titanic, Lord of the Rings, Gladiator. All movies that resonate with somewhere deep in us that wants to live for something more - something more than an insurance policy - something that engulfs us and has more value than our lives or our RRSP's.

Not that we shouldn't plan - but I just have been feeling like I am overwhelmed and confused when I try to map a course, but when I look to the Lord for today I find rest for my soul.



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